Whenever we round into the fall season I always feel it deeply in my soul. The longing for a change or shift. Maybe a different rhythm. I’m not entirely sure what it is but when I look back there are roots for me. Some people have an amazing memory that file any and all dates away in their brain. I wish I could say the same but I have a hard enough time keeping track of my own family’s birthdays. I do better with much broader dates. The month of October holds significance for me. In early October of 2011, some dear friends and I tossed everything we could grab from my house into my car and I moved with my four littles to Tennessee.

The Chaos

My youngest was 6 months old, the next was 20 months and my two “bigs”, then just 8 and 5. We drove the 12 hours to Tennessee and began what would be our new life. Our own version of little women. I’m glad I have some pictures from that time or else I might have lost all of the memories in the haze of trying to find my footing in the unexpected new life we were now living. One nursing baby, one toddler and two homeschool kiddos, and I remember feeling wildly disoriented.

But as it always seems to go, in the midst of life’s total chaos God still gives us rhythms of grace that somehow keep us grounded. For me two very distinctive things. I had a baby that still needed to be fed, and two kids who still needed to be taught every day. I knew I couldn’t fall apart and I had to find a way to slowly place one foot in front of the other. Feeding the baby and teaching the kids felt like survival “muscle memory” but I also knew that I needed some oxygen for my own soul or I would drown in anxiety, despair, bitterness and overwhelm.

The roadmap

I truly had no roadmap for the situation I was in but I knew a couple of things to be true. The book of Psalm was penned exactly for these rugged and ugly seasons of life. Somehow, I also knew that intentional gratitude was possibly the only way to stumble out of this haze somewhat gracefully. This is also where my already established habit of getting up in the morning before the kids became a life saver. I spent my mornings reading through the Psalms that had never felt more alive and personal. I had also ordered a copy of Ann Voskamp’s 1000 Gifts and started journaling.

When I think back on my first year of single motherhood, I truly don’t remember much but I remember the Psalms and I remember the daily practice of gratitude. I strongly believe these two things kept me going each day. Even with those early days far behind me now, when life throws its curve balls and feels to big to handle, these are still the roots I return to over and over again.

October will forever stir up a mixed bag of memories for me but it will always remain a favorite month of the year as well. It signals the beginning of “gratitude season” for me, that pours over into Thanksgiving. Its a rhythm I love and return to over and over again. If you have never read the book, its one I recommend. It is not light or flowery but it is deeply moving and challenging and perfect for this time of year.

Happy October. Cheers to gratitude season.

XO

Sarah